Why Are You Ignoring Me?
by srwkwrite
Summary: Peter Kirkland is Arthur's 's been eight years since his mother left him and his father. For ten years, he has been wondering why he's always ignored by Arthur as if he didn't exist. On his tenth birthday, he understood why. Possible triggers


Note: This is a fanfic based on the song "Small Bump" ,sung by Ed Sheeran! This may be triggering.

I/Peter=Sealand

Daddy/Arthur=England

Mom=Whoever you guys think it is, even I don't know

* * *

When I was younger, maybe two years old, Mom left Daddy and I. I didn't know why. I was too young, Daddy never told me why. Before she left, she kept hanging out with this tall Russian dude that was a friend of Daddy's, but now they aren't friends anymore. She came home less often and then she brought the Russian to the house and left forever. Daddy cried.

I didn't go to school, I want to but Daddy always said it's boring. But he never looked at me in the eyes when he does. He always stare at the tiny picture on top of the dresser in my bedroom.

Daddy never pays attention to me. He always ignores me. He's a jerk. I tried telling him that I didn't like the shade of blue my room was, and he didn't hear me. I tried punching him but he still ignored me.

Sometimes, I sit at the kitchen, watching Daddy eat with a sad face. I blamed Mom. Most of the times, Daddy is quiet. He doesn't talk much. He doesn't play with me ,either. Daddy just reads a book or stare out the window. Sometimes, he goes into my room without telling me or knocking on the door.

There are times, when Daddy does talk to me, but it's never in sync with what I'm talking about. For instance, I'll talk about video games and action figures, then Daddy will nod and agree that school would be extremely boring. He never listens to me. Never.

Sometimes, Daddy walks around the house aimlessly or get drunk. I can't help him. He does have friends that do help him, like uncle Bonnefoy and uncle Kohler. There are times, when I hear them say , "Mon Dieu,Arthur! Change already, it's been 8 years already!" or "Dude, please don't waste yourself, come on"

Daddy and I live in this house with four bedrooms. It's not that huge but we do have a huge yard. Daddy works as an author and he's really famous. Sometimes I read his books and they're really good but the stories seem dark. They have these complicated words too!

Sometimes, uncle Gilbert would stop by and hang out with Daddy. He keeps Daddy in order, telling him to finish his books before the deadlines and make sure he ate.

Aunt Mathilda and aunt Natalya stops by often. I really like Daddy's friends, even when they never talk to me.

Daddy has a song which he really loves for some odd reason I don't know of, he keeps singing it. Some nights, he'd sing "You are my one and only/ You can wrap my fingers round my thumb and hold me tight/And you'll be alright" or other verses of the song. He keeps singing it and now I know the whole lyrics to it.

But Daddy, why do you always ignore me?

OoOoO

It's my 10th birthday, today! This time, I'll get a birthday present! I will! I'll teach that jerk not to ignore my existence and acknowledge my presence! Just you see.

Daddy was in my room today, again! I don't see why he needs to enter my room all the time. If he's that bothered by the colour of my bedroom walls and the emptiness of my bedroom, he should just bring me out to shop, but he never does.

"You know, Peter, maybe this shade of blue is making you sick. I'll paint it green tomorrow, is that okay?" he smiled faintly , looking at the ceiling. I nodded in agreement and almost screamed yes. Green is my favourite colour. I like Daddy's green the most. Daddy's green is the shade of green of his eyes. It's really pretty. I don't like my eyes or the shade of my hair. It reminds me of Mom.

Daddy then frowned and cried. "Daddy, are you okay?" I hopped off my tiny chair and walked over to Daddy. He was crying and kneeling. Crying a lot. "Daddy, are you alright?" was all I could ask. He didn't answer me. He got up from and walked out of his room.

I chased after him. "Daddy, don't ignore me!" I tugged his right sleeve to catch his attention but he still ignored me. "Daddy! Don't ignore my existence, I'm right here!" I tugged his shirt, but he still ignored me.

He grabbed his car keys and rushed out. I was running after him, shouting "Daddy! Don't leave me like Mom did!" again and again. Muttering "Daddy" and "Daddy" when he never look you in the eyes or even acknowledged your existence is tiring.

He got into his car but paused for a short awhile. I took the chance and called shotgun. He breathed and breathed, covering his teary face with his hands and wiping them away with a handkerchief. "Daddy, don't ignore me. It's my 10th birthday!" I punched him in the arm as a joke but he's not affected by it.

He started the car and drove off. It's my first time going out of the house compound. We drove past by trees, taller than the trees we have in our backyard. It's cloudy. There were dark clouds. "Daddy, it's going to rain again" I told him, but as usual, he paid no attention to me.

There were people, of different height, build and colour, walking down the streets , talking , waving or carrying their bought items. Buildings, tall and strong, some with new paint ,some with paint peeling off. Cafes opened and birds flying.

It's pretty. I hate Daddy for never letting me out of the house.

Daddy stopped the car. I got out of the car after Daddy did and what was in front of us was the gate of a cemetery. "Daddy, what are we doing here?" The gates were open and we were inside in not time. Daddy didn't hesitate to look for someone's grave. I followed him and we stopped at a tiny grave, with a tombstone of equal size as the rest.

"Daddy, who's grave is this?" I asked him, he didn't say anything. Instead , he fell onto his knees and started crying. "Don't ignore me, Daddy! I'm scared!" I yelled. Daddy didn't move from his place, he just kept crying.

"Daddy! Answer me! You jerk!" I yelled. He got quiet. I expected him to answer me but he didn't . Instead, he brushed his fingers on the words written on the tombstone humming to a familiar tune.

"Daddy! I'm asking you a question!" I stomped over to him. "You're just a small bump unborn/in 4 months you're brought to life" Daddy whimpered. I hated this. Stop ignoring me! "You might be left with my hair but you'll have your Mother's eyes" he smiled faintly.

"That's right, you do have my hair but the colour of your Mother's hair and eyes, don't you, Peter?" Daddy muttered. "I'll hold your body in my hands/Be as gentle as I can/but now you're a scan of my unmade plans/small bump in 4 months till you're brought to life" Daddy hummed again.

What are you saying? Why are you doing this?

I knelt beside him and took a look at the tombstone.

PETER KIRKLAND

THE BOY WHO WILL FOREVER BE YOUNG

No, it can't be. But I'm right here! "Daddy, I'm here! That's not me!" I yelled. That's a lie!

"You know, sometimes I can feel you next to me, sometimes I can hear you tell me that I shouldn't wear what shoes, sometimes I swear, you're alive and there with me" he confessed.

"But Daddy, I am alive, right? Right?" I can feel tears. I'm not dead. I'm alive. But if I am

Then why is it that Daddy never sees me? Why Uncle Kohler,Uncle Bonnefoy,Uncle Gilbert,aunt Natalya and aunt Mathilda never talked to me, even when I'm just right in front of them?

"Sometimes, I pretend that you're with me. It's been 10 years since your mother had her miscarriage and your death, 8 years since she left me for Ivan, I'm real lonely, aren't I? Listen Peter, I'll be with you soon. The doctors gave me a three months, I haven't told anyone yet. But I'll be with you soon. You and I won't have to be alone now, okay? We'll haunt that house of ours together, I'll finally get to play with you, and you won't have to be lonely like I am, I promise" Daddy admitted.

At that time, I was already crying.

I hummed the song that Daddy always sing, while he mumbled the words as he cried. Such a tiny thing I was, I'm not lonely. I have Daddy, but Daddy doesn't know I'm here. He's not lonely either. He won't leave me to be alone. I won't abandon him like Mom. I'll wait for him, and he'll be there for me.

I'll finally be able to play with Daddy

* * *

I really love Ed Sheeran's songs. They're always sad and touching. Relatable too. My older brother was miscarried but y parents act like he's a taboo to talk about.

This was based off a Human AU I thought of and then posted it on my tumblr. It got positive responses from my followers. Basically ,the story is :

Peter is Arthur's unborn child. He doesn't know he's dead, and doesn't know why Arthur ignores him all the time. One day, Arthur heard 'Small Bump' playing on the radio , and he loved it. It became his and Peter's favourite song.

On Peter's 10th birthday/ year since the miscarriage, Arthur and him went to the cemetery to Peter's grave and that's how he found out he was dead.


End file.
